Could your marriage use some more romance?
Let’s face it: Even the best marriages sometimes need a breath of fresh air. Romance can easily fall by the wayside in the face of kids, careers, bills, a mortgage and pets. So in the middle of a busy life, what can you do to bring romance back into your marriage?
Start with communication. Communication is at the heart of a good relationship, and it’s a big part of romance. Sit down with your husband and have a heart-to-heart talk about what you’d both like more of out of your relationship. Know in advance that “romance” probably won’t be the first word out of his mouth—but “more sex” might be on his list! And lucky for you both, romance and a good sex life go hand-in-hand.
For most women, good sex starts with good romance. Tell your husband just what that means to you. He’s not a mind-reader, and his definition of romance is probably not the same as yours. What’s more, we tend to define romance differently as life progresses. What you found romantic before you were a parent was probably much different than what gets you in the mood for love now.
Having trouble defining romance for yourself, let alone telling your husband what you need? The Romance Place presents some ideas to get your creative juices flowing.
- Plan some real time alone. That doesn’t mean the half-hour between the time the kids fall asleep and the time you do. It means make arrangements for the kids to have a day away from home—maybe even a sleepover or weekend at Grandma’s.
- If you can’t get your responsibilities out of your head long enough to get your mind on romance, then get away. Book a night at a cabin or hotel with plenty of privacy, load up the backpacks and get away from civilization for a day or two, or just take a bottle of wine and some blankets out to the most secluded spot you know. The idea is to focus on each other instead of on work, the house and everything else that demands your attention day in and day out.
- Put pen to paper—or lipstick to mirror. Leave romantic or sexy notes for him (make sure they’re where only he will find them).
- Each of you can plan a romantic surprise for the other. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant; even an unexpected massage can lead to passion, and who doesn’t love being pampered with a massage from their spouse?
- Give each other small gifts that convey romance and show you still care deeply. This could be a card, a handpicked bouquet, a special CD or playlist, or anything that is meaningful for the two of you.
- Hit the shower (or bath, if you have a bathtub big enough for two). When was the last time you took a shower or a bath together? It can feel wonderful to lovingly wash each other’s hair and bodies, and romance is a given in this scenario!
- Get active. Aside from the feel-good endorphins exercise produces, working out together can be a bonding experience for a couple. Not into exercise? Take a stroll! A leisurely walk together is a wonderful way to de-stress and focus on each other, and that’s key to setting the stage for romance.
- Get cooking. A special meal at home is the perfect opportunity for romance. Light the candles, put on some smooth jazz, dress up the table and make something delicious together. Bonus: Great conversation—plus, candlelight makes everyone look more beautiful.
- Surprise the pants off of him. Remember scavenger hunts? Make up some sexy clues that will lead him through the house straight to the treasure—you, in some barely-there lingerie!
Do you have other ideas for putting romance back into a marriage? Send them to The Romance Place, and if we like them, we’ll post them!